invicta: (Default)
Simhong ([personal profile] invicta) wrote on September 9th, 2012 at 01:57 am
"You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present." -- Alaska Young in 'Looking for Alaska' by John Green.

Looking for Alaska isn't the best book out there, and neither is it some sort of classic must-read like To Kill a Mockingbird, but it's real. Not realistic, per se, but it represents a lot of my thoughts as I am now, and I think that's why it's so popular among teenagers as of late. It speaks for us in a sense, I suppose.

Alaska Young isn't also exactly 'coolest character ever' material, too. She's self-destructive, drinks and smokes too much, even promiscuous at times, but in some way she represents how we want to be in those moments when we feel so damn caged up and forced into a corner, with the kind of reckless 'I don't care about my life anymore' personality. Maybe that's why she's such an appealing character, I suppose. Because her recklessness and self-destruction is as appalling as it is admirable.

And why am I writing this at 2am in the morning? No particular reason, except to organize some of my 'awry' thoughts before O's, at the risk of sounding like the pretentious angst-plagued 16 year old teenager I really am (although I guess there's no risk there since I am already kind of like that...) The biggest part of reading this book was that line up there, which kind of sort of shattered me to pieces because that's exactly what I've been doing the past few months. Dreaming about my life after, just to escape the pressing reality that my entire future lies in the hands of these examiners who will be reading my painstakingly written scripts. 

It is a rather odd feeling to know that practically how the rest of your life plays out depends on a stack of papers and people you've never met trying to put a grade to what is ultimately your end-products from a tiring year of slogging your brains out. 

Oh, well...
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